I hate to leave things unfinished, and I hate to leave things in a place of conflict or bad feelings. I’ve been lashing out quite a bit lately at the seemingly intentional apathy being directed towards myself and this book. The truth is, I’ve been reaching out so hard for months, and the vibe I’ve been getting in return is mostly ‘fuck off, Mel’. My emails get ignored, my requests for professional courtesy are shat upon, and it is so deafeningly quiet in the realm of my art and comics that I’m actually beginning to think my art just sucks and I need to quit showing it to people.
If you are someone I have reached out to recently, and denied me any sort of human compassion, I just want you to know that I will remember it. Though, I will admit, I was dumb enough to reach out to people who have demonstrated over and over again how much they don’t give a damn about me. But as I said, I want to clear the air and not leave any bad feelings. But I would also like the world at large to know just how bad it’s let me down. You dropped the fucking ball. But the good news is that it was never your responsibility in the first place.
I can’t make people like my art/writing/comics any more than I can make them like me. I’m a scary bitch who makes scary art. Years ago, people used to be really into what I would create, but the world has changed for the worse, and whatever I was onto 20 years ago is apparently not acceptable anymore. I’ve been fooling myself forever, thinking that if only I could finish this series and people would read it, then maybe they would finally understand me and accept me for who I am. That is never going to happen. I am an Autistic woman with a serious dissociative disorder. I am fated to be misunderstood.
I want to take a moment to address the theoretical entities who may actually be consuming, enjoying, and/or learning from the crazy shit I post here. I appreciate you. I really do. You’re probably not real, but I want to tell you how awesome you are anyway, just in case you are real. You’re obviously very intelligent and have excellent taste in comic books. I hope whatever challenges you face in your individual lives are met with courage and capability. I want you to know that I am going to continue this story, and even though my posting schedule will never make sense, I look forward to having your eyes upon it.
And with that, I do need to shut the fuck up. I don’t have the strength to reach out anymore. I need to conserve my energy for more important things, like working on Ragdoll, and enjoying my weird little family. I’ll post when I have something I feel like sharing. Until then, I think I’ve earned some selfishness and isolation. I like to say that the best is yet to come, and I truly believe that. Whether or not I choose to share that best with the world has yet to be determined.
Peace.
