Nobody wants to see your shitty art: A rant by Melody Hasselvander

Myth number 1:
Be your authentic self!

But don’t, actually. Nobody likes my authentic self except a handful of disturbed individuals that call me their friend, in real life. My authentic self is sarcastic, abrasive, and has zero tolerance for stupid social media bullshit like pandering to your elementary school art teacher and/or some rando you worked with for two weeks in 2010.

Myth number 2:
Interact with community members, and give genuine comments, likes, and encouragement!

Fuck you. My genuine and kind interactions with community members usually end the same way as in real life. “Uh.. why are you talking to me you creepy bitch?”

Myth number 3:
Keep at it! Building a following takes time!

Bitch, I been on DeviantArt for 21 years, and have 106 watchers, half of which don’t log in anymore. Get the fuck out of here with that nonsense.

I know there are more myths, but that’s all I’ve got off the top of my head on a Monday morning. Obviously I’m frustrated. And obviously I’m never going to stop drawing until I’m dead, but for the time being, this is still a free country so I’m going to bitch and moan as much as I want about this. The algorithms suck, the internet sucks, and social media is the root of most evil in the modern world.

I can’t remember the last time I got an “Atta Girl” from anyone. People probably wonder why it takes so long for me to update, and the truth is, I know nobody fucking cares. I prioritize my day job and my family because it is so hard to squeeze any joy from posting my art online.

These are the things I wish I would hear sometimes:

“Damn, Mel, that’s badass!”

“Wow, your inking and shading have improved so much in the last few years!”

I’ll even take:

“I’d like your art more if your colors weren’t so headache-inducing, and your textures weren’t so smooth.”

“Your style is very unique, so most people probably won’t like it at first glance.”

And I realize there is no point to this rant whatsoever because no one will ever see it. I’m avoiding social media like the plague right now for obvious reasons, and even if I wasn’t, this would just be seen as whining, and might even garner an “Awww, don’t be discouraged,” from one of the three friends I still have left in real life. Did everyone forget that artists are inherently moody and depressed creatures? Like, why the fuck would anyone think that an artist, by that definition, could go on a positivity-vomiting posting spree with nothing but “Good Vibes, Y’all!!”

So, the point of this rant, I guess, is in the one in a million chance that some fan (haha) reads this post and maybe feels a little less shitty about their own experiences online. I really miss the old internet, where the average Jane had a shot at something, but those days are gone. I’m just an irrelevant, old, white bitch who keeps making shitty art. I had once hoped to inspire women and artists. Here’s a tip: make sure you do it before you turn 30, because you don’t even matter to the masses afterwards.

I dunno, I guess David Cross said it best, “If you don’t like my Pussy Doodles, then I don’t want to know you.”